The Busiest Retirees You Know
When Mary and John retired, they both immediately jumped into lots of activities.
Mary joined a card club that met multiple times a week. She also joined a yoga studio where she attended several classes a week.
John went golfing every morning and worked on his classic car several afternoons a week.
They both went on several cruises a year and took trips to overseas countries.
Their packed schedules made it difficult to find time for medical and other appointments.
They were always busy, but were they fulfilled?
What the Brochures Sell. What They Skip
You’ve seen the ads. Smiling retirees on cruise ships. Couples walking on empty beaches. Someone’s husband finally has time for his golf game.
The message has always been the same: work hard, retire well, enjoy the reward.
And for a while, it works. The first few months of retirement can feel like the vacation you always promised yourself. But a vacation has an end date. Retirement doesn’t. And somewhere in that open-ended freedom, the question that nobody prepared you for starts to emerge.
Is this it?
Why We Wear Busyness Like a Badge
Think about the last time someone asked how you were doing. Chances are, your answer included the word “busy.”
We’ve turned busyness into a measure of worth. The fuller the calendar, the more important we must be. “I’m so busy” has become the American way of saying “I matter.”
That doesn’t disappear when you retire. If anything, the pressure intensifies. Without a job title to anchor your identity, staying busy feels like proof that you’re still relevant. Still contributing. Still someone.
But here’s the question worth sitting with: busy doing what — and for whom?
There’s a difference between a full schedule and a meaningful one. We often confuse the two, especially in those first months after leaving work, when the silence can feel uncomfortably loud.
The Real Reason Retirees Stay Busy
The real issue underneath all the busyness in retirement is often the loss of identity when work ends.
Who were you when you were at work? At work, you were needed. You solved problems. You were asked for your advice.
But who are you now that you’re retired?
You’re invisible and no longer needed.
Sometimes busyness is a form of avoidance, keeping us from facing the emptiness within.
As Dan Haylett wrote in Few and Deep: The Retirement Lens That Changes Everything,
“Retirees often fill their schedules with activity, only to find themselves asking: Is this it?”
What Meaning Actually Looks Like
What does a fulfilling, meaningful retirement look like?
1. Your Retirement Doesn’t Have to Look Like Anyone Else’s
Rest can be valid. So can activity, if it’s intentional.
A lot of this depends on your personality, your interests, and your desires.
My wife and I have been retired for over 10 years now. Her retirement looks entirely different from mine.
After experimenting with serving in a Sheriff’s Posse and working part-time for the National Park service, I’m now busy writing, working part-time for a friend, and volunteering.
On the other hand, my wife’s retirement looks entirely different. She enjoys reading, playing games on her iPhone, playing harp, and just relaxing and enjoying life.
2. Try It Before You Commit to It
Don’t commit to anything too early after retiring. Try doing Tiny Experiments with different things and see what fits you.
Make a pact with yourself that says, “For X days, I will do Y.”
And then evaluate: do you want to stop doing it, continue doing it, or modify the way you do it?
3. Busy by Choice, Not by Default
It’s okay if you want to be busy in retirement.
I am. I rarely have a time when I’m just sitting around, with nothing to do. But that’s me. It’s my personality.
That busyness reflects my interests and desires. It has all been intentional on my part as I’ve created my unique retirement over the last 10+ years.
It’s also okay if you don’t want to be busy. In retirement, you can design the life that best fits you.
The important thing is that you choose what to do not based on advertisements, or cultural or others’ expectations, but on what you find fulfilling.
4. This Part Takes Longer Than You Think
You need time to work out a new identity.
This is not something you can pick out right before you retire and be good. It’s not like changing parts.
It will take some time, even months and years, for you to create your new identity.
You will need to experiment with ways to find value and purpose, and to feel needed.
For some, it’s leaning into rest and enjoying life. For others, it’s finding new activities that make you feel productive and needed.
Is Your Retirement Actually Yours?
Retirement was supposed to be the reward. And it can be — just not in the way the brochures promised.
The activities aren’t the problem. Cruises, golf, card clubs — none of that is wrong. The question is whether you’re choosing them because they genuinely feed you, or because a quiet afternoon feels like something to escape.
That’s worth sitting with.
My wife reads. She plays harp. She relaxes without apology. I write, I work on projects that matter to me, and I stay busy — but intentionally.
Neither of us found our rhythm on day one. It took time, some false starts, and a willingness to be honest about what was actually working.
Your retirement won’t look like ours. It shouldn’t. But it should look like you.
Start small. Pick one thing this week and try it with no commitment. Give yourself permission to quit. Then try something else.
Your identity in retirement isn’t waiting to be discovered — it’s waiting to be built.
AI Note: I wrote this blog post myself, using my own words and thoughts for the initial draft. I used AI only to suggest headlines, section headings, images, and text improvements.
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