Have you ever wondered why retirement doesn’t always feel like the dream you imagined?
The Myth of the Perfect Retirement
Many people have real emotional difficulties transitioning from work to retirement.
There’s often a gap between the expectations people have for retirement and the reality of retirement. In our culture, we only focus on preparing financially for retirement.
We think about what we are leaving (a job), but don’t think much about what we’re transitioning to.
We often have unrealistic expectations about retirement, encouraged by photos of retirees living in luxury and traveling the world, seemingly without a care.
The Five Losses That Catch Retirees Off Guard
When we retire, we suffer five significant, unavoidable losses:
• Structure and routine
• Sense of identity
• Social relationships
• Sense of purpose
• Sense of status and power
As a result of these losses, we often suffer grief without even knowing what we’re grieving.
Destructive Coping With Grief
It’s not a sign of weakness to grieve—it’s a human response to loss.
Unfortunately, some retirees make things worse in response to their grief. Their coping strategies keep them stuck instead of helping them to move forward.
When I lived in a retirement community in Arizona, I saw many who fell into a deep depression.
They tried to self-medicate with drug and alcohol abuse, which only made it worse.
Some gave up all hope and became suicidal.
Some tried to avoid the issue by staying busy so they didn’t have to think about it.
Healthier Ways to Heal and Rebuild
There are more healthy ways to respond to grief:
• Recognize that this process takes time. It’s not something that you can do very quickly. Recovering from grief is a process, not an instant fix.
• Accept support from friends and groups. It’s okay to admit that you’re having difficulties with retirement and seek the advice and support from others. Talk with other retirees who seem to be flourishing.
• Talk to a therapist or a counselor. Share your feelings of grief, and how you’ve coped with them to this point. A therapist can help you identify what you are grieving and how to move beyond grief.
• Find new things to replace what you’ve lost. Craft a new identity in retirement, and start new social connections. Find a new purpose and meaning in retirement.
“The key to a happy retirement is to have something that you are retiring to, not just something that you are retiring from. The difference between happy and unhappy retirees is having a purpose.”
Joshua Becker, Things That Matter: Overcoming Distraction to Pursue a More Meaningful Life
• Work with a retirement coach who can help you to develop a new perspective toward retirement, uncover the things that you’re interested in doing, and make a plan to reinvent yourself in retirement.
A Simple Plan to Move Forward
Retirement doesn’t have to feel like a dead end.
Yes, you’ve left behind a career, but that doesn’t mean your best work—or your deepest joy—is over.
The key is to stop drifting and start designing this next chapter.
• Take a few minutes this week to name three roles you’d like to grow into—maybe mentor, volunteer, creator, or learner—and block out even a small amount of time for each.
• Then, choose one new group to join or one person to reconnect with.
These small, intentional steps can turn retirement from a season of loss into a season of growth. Your future is still wide open—so what will you begin building today?
AI Note: I wrote this blog post myself, using my own words and thoughts for the initial draft. I used AI only to suggest headlines, section headings, and text improvements.
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