Our ‘Forever Home’ Lasted Eight Years
When we retired, my wife and I decided to move to a retiree community in Arizona.
We bought a home with the idea that it would be our “forever home.”
We significantly upgraded it with new windows, solar tubes, new flooring, French doors, landscaping, and a bathroom upgrade.
After eight years, however, we were unhappy with our location and decided to move to South Dakota.
It turned out our “forever home” was not our forever home.
What happened?
The reality of retirement didn’t fit our pre-retirement expectations.
We weren’t the only ones to make this mistake.
Why Retirement Rarely Matches Your Expectations
Most retirees find that the reality of retirement doesn’t fit their expectations. As Celia Dodd wrote in Not Fade Away,
“The reality of retirement is often very different from expectations. Even people who’ve planned for years say they had no idea what it would really be like.”
People often have unrealistic expectations about retirement.
• They imagine that life will be wonderful and they won’t change once they quit work. They expect there’ll be no more problems and everything will be easy.
Of course, we understand that life never gets to a point where there are no problems, and we’re happy all the time. That’s future fantasy.
And if we’re growing as humans, we’re always changing. So our needs and desires will change over time.
Why would we think retirement would be different from the rest of our lives?
• They dream that in retirement, they will live a life of luxury. They imagine a life filled with fine dining, cruises, and the house of their dreams.
That’s what all the ads picture retirees doing, right?
But if you couldn’t afford a luxury lifestyle before you retired, it’s likely you won’t after retirement.
• They imagine the transition to retirement will be quick and painless.
Retirement planning is all about financial planning, not mental planning. The realities of the retirement transition are ignored. The focus is only on leaving work, not what comes next.
Retirement is one of the top 10 life transitions. It’s typical for people to experience a loss of purpose, meaning, identity, status, and relationships when they retire.
But no one warned you it was coming.
Planning for a Retirement You Haven’t Met Yet
So how do you plan for something you can’t fully imagine?
It sounds impossible. But the answer isn’t to avoid planning—it’s to plan differently.
1. Get Educated About the Retirement Transition
Before planning, educate yourself about the difficulties you can expect during retirement transition. Watch the 13-minute viral TED Talk by Dr. Riley Moynes — “The 4 Phases of Retirement.”
Realize that it will take some time, even years, to figure out who you are in retirement. You’ll be becoming a different person than you were when you were working full-time.
2. Expect Change
Recognize that even if a plan works at first, you will change over time. You won’t stay the same person you were when you first retired.
Your curiosities will change over time. Your physical needs and desires will change over time.
And if you’re a retiree who planned to travel a lot in retirement, your travel will likely decrease as your mobility declines, and you have more health problems.
3. Plan For Change
The key is to see all retirement plans as tentative and temporary.
It was a mistake for us to view our first home after retirement as a “forever home.” We weren’t being realistic.
We imagined that what we’d be happy with immediately after we retired would meet our needs and desires for potentially the next three decades.
When we moved to South Dakota, we rented for three years so we had time to get to really know the area before buying a home.
Your needs and desires will change during retirement.
Therefore, you have to be flexible to meet the new reality.
It’s okay to change your mind and change the plan.
Your Turn: What Are You Planning as “Forever”?
Think about your own retirement plans. What have you already decided is permanent? A home? A location? A lifestyle? A daily routine?
Here’s my challenge: Take one thing you’ve labeled “forever” and ask yourself, “What if I’m wrong about this in five years?”
That simple question might save you from expensive mistakes—or free you to make changes you’ve been afraid to admit you want.
What’s one “forever” decision you’re reconsidering?
AI Note: I wrote this blog post myself, using my own words and thoughts for the initial draft. I used AI only to suggest headlines, section headings, images, and text improvements.
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